For the curious masses who wonder how Norse Warriors would perform everyday tasks.

Monday, March 19, 2012

Mow the Vikings!

It is an obscure, yet important, fact that Vikings preferred the outskirts of major cities to the cities themselves. Indeed, some historians argue that many Vikings would rather live in these crude "suburbs" than their beloved longships, and only agreed to leave their cottages to maintain honor, to gather riches, and to quench an egregious bloodlust that no mere slaying of squirrels, chipmunks, and other common vermin could satisfy.

Recently unearthed documents have confirmed that - while many Vikings loved their cottages -they often lamented the need to maintain the property, which sapped valuable rape, maim, and/or pillage time. So, in an early effort to multi-task, Viking chieftains would have their men practice hurling newly sharpened battleaxes close to the ground, which would trim the blades to an acceptable length.

This practice continued until the Norse learned to domesticate goats, at which time the goats were trained to hurl the axes.

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